


Unattainable

by Margarie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, One Shot, idk - Freeform, not smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26253463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Margarie/pseuds/Margarie
Summary: Kageyama woke from a knock on his door, and he knew it had to be Hinata. Nobody else showed up to his house like this. Nobody else demanded his attention like this at 23:00 on a Wednesday night. He gets up from bed but doesn’t put on a shirt. He knows what this is, it had happened too many times before for him not to know. Nobody but unattainable Hinata.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 6
Kudos: 120





	Unattainable

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!
> 
> I kind of just wrote this on a whim, but I am considering expanding it? I was thinking maybe 3 chapters with a rework of this as the conclusion. Let me know what you guys think, I am really still on the fence about it.
> 
> Enjoy!

Kageyama woke from a knock on his door, and he knew it had to be Hinata. Nobody else showed up to his house like this. Nobody else demanded his attention like this at 23:00 on a Wednesday night. He gets up from bed but doesn’t put on a shirt. He knows what this is, it had happened too many times before for him not to know. He pads to the door, still half asleep. When he opens the door Hinata throws himself into Kageyama, craning up to kiss him. Kageyama kisses him back, he always does. He brings his hand up to cradle Hinata’s face and feels the tears there. Kageyama deepens the kiss, and pulls Hinata closer to him, into his house. He needs to be gentle; he knows what Hinata needs now. Hinata, who he has loved for so long. Hinata, who used to be his best friend in the whole world. Hinata, who kissed him once before he went to Brazil and then never called, never explained why he would do that and then leave. Hinata, who showed up at his door a few days after the Addlers vs MSBY match and kissed him again, again with no explanation.

It has been months since then, and they never talk about it. Kageyama has tried, but Hinata always avoids the question. Distracts him with kisses, with touches. After waking up alone for the nth time Kageyama had realised what this was to Hinata, what he was to Hinata. Hinata might have liked him once, but now he liked having sex with Kageyama. Sometimes Hinata asked him if he could come over. But sometimes he just showed up. On those nights Hinata tends to be upset. A hard day at practice, a bad day, a fight with his mother. Kageyama starts to move Hinata towards his room and feels a flash of something. Pride, maybe, that Hinata comes here when he needs to feel close to somebody. Sadness, maybe, that his friend doesn’t have anywhere else to go. Frustration, maybe, that he is an empty placeholder for the man he loves, a warm body to take refuge in. 

When they enter the bedroom, he slips his tongue into Hinata’s mouth, instead of the hum of pleasure that he expects, Kageyama hears a sob. He feels Hinata’s chest heave against him. It has never been like this before. Kageyama knows that he needs to do something. So, he pushes Hinata onto the bed and traps him there. For all his training and strength Hinata is still small. Small enough to be caged in by Kageyama. He breaks the kiss and looks down at his friend, his lover. Hinata is crying, really crying. 

“What’s going on, Hinata?” he asks. Gentle, so gentle. He has learnt how to be gentle with Hinata, something that never came naturally to him.

“Please just kiss me, Kageyama. Please.” And Kageyama almost does. He almost falls back into old habits. Habits that have made him cry to his friends countless nights. But recently he has been thinking. Even if Hinata doesn’t love him, maybe it doesn’t have to be this impersonal. Maybe he can be a placeholder with a face, and not just an anonymous body.

“Just tell me what happened, idiot.” His tone is less gentle. Frustrated.  
“Please, Kageyama. Please don’t make me do this. Please just be with me.” Hinata breathes it out, still trapped, pinned by Kageyama’s gaze. Kageyama does not understand. He does, however, understand the pain in his chest. Hinata trusts him to kiss and to fuck but not to talk to you.

“You’re so fucking unattainable, Hinata.” He whispers that. Like it is a secret. He has never said anything like that to a person. He has never admitted to Hinata that he might want him. Hinata tries to push him off but instead falls back and closes his eyes. The tears are running down his face, pooling in his ears. Falling down onto the duvet. Kageyama wonders if Hinata heard him, it doesn’t look like he did. And then he steels himself. Kageyama has seen this look before. This is Hinata’s match face. His absolute focus.

“Fuck this. I’ll leave then.” Kageyama is so shocked that he lets Hinata escape. He watches him leave the bedroom before he gets himself to move.

“Please Hinata, please wait.” He’s desperate. He doesn’t want Hinata to go anywhere else. Are there other options?

Hinata stops, facing the door. Shoulders set, chin up. Kageyama can’t see his face but he knows what he would see there. He knows how determined Hinata would be. So, he plays dirty. He does what he’s never done before. He asks.

“Please stay, Hinata.”

The apartment is quiet. Kageyama can see the moment that Hinata gives in. Hinata’s shoulders sag and suddenly he’s on the floor. Kageyama feels triumphant, he has beaten Hinata, he has stopped him from leaving. A rush of guilt, this isn’t time for celebration. But he knows that if Hinata leaves now it is all over. He can’t let him move another step towards that door. Another step and he loses Hinata. He can stomach a loss now, he’s not 15 anymore. But he can’t stomach this loss. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Would it have been better if he had said nothing? Kageyama wonders if it is too late, if he has already changed everything too much.

He moves toward Hinata, sits down behind him. He wraps his arms around the smaller man. He rests his chin on Hinata’s shoulder. Hinata has his hands over his eyes, softly crying. For the first time tonight, he realises that Hinata really looks broken. He’s not just sad, this wasn’t just some fight with his mother. Another stab of pain runs through Kageyama’s chest. He doesn’t say anything, he’s not sure what he could say right now. Hinata is usually the one who knows what to say. Hinata is usually the one who comforts those who need it. 

“I went on a date.” Hinata whispers it. Kageyama feels his body stiffen. He pulls Hinata closer. He didn’t know that Hinata has been dating. Maybe this was the first one? Faceless placeholder indeed.  
“Did he hurt you, Hinata?” Kageyama is scared of the answer. He knows how dates can go, how men can be.

“No, no he was great. He was so sweet and so nice and” Hinata trails off and starts crying again. Kageyama feels jealousy bubble up in his chest. He reminds himself to be kind. He loves Hinata and he needs to be kind. He places a small kiss on Hinata’s shoulder and stays quiet so that Hinata can explain if he’s comfortable. He almost repeats himself, Hinata is so unattainable. He’s right there, in Kageyama’s arms. He hangs out with him and they talk at parties and sometimes have lunch. And sometimes the sleep together, after a get together (both a bit tipsy), after a good lunch. It’s always Hinata that starts it. Kageyama is always too scared that as soon as he asks Hinata will leave.

“I just, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Kageyama doesn’t reply. He can’t, even if he wanted to.

“I’m sorry Kageyama. I know that we aren’t… I know we aren’t like that. I know you need more than me. I know you never ask me to come over or to stay because, because I’m not the one you really want and I’m not sure if I could ever be somebody that you could be proud of but I try, Kageyama. I try” Kageyama still doesn’t reply. Shock, anger.

“I went to Brazil and I got better, and I have been running after you since I first met you. And I know you don’t want that. I was hoping that if I never said anything, you’d keep on indulging me, keep on sleeping with me so that at least I could have one part of you.”

“What the fuck, Hinata?” he knows this isn’t the right thing to say, he tries to remind himself to be gentle.

“I know, Kageyama. I know!” Hinata sounds mad but doesn’t pull away from Kageyama’s embrace. “I know, Kageyama, and I… I begged you to just kiss me and not make me admit… admit that…”  
Kageyama breaks the embrace. He takes Hinata by the shoulders and turns him around. He needs to look at Hinata. He needs to see his face. 

“Hinata,” gentle, so gentle. “Hinata please let me say something.” Hinata won’t stop crying so Kageyama kisses him. Hinata throws himself into the kiss, as if he has done something very wrong and this is the only way to fix it.

“Hinata, I love you” he says, softly. He takes Hinata’s face into his hands. “I love you too, Hinata.” He says again. He’s never said that to anybody before, he’s never admitted that he loves Hinata. “I have loved you since in our second year. I have never stopped loving you” For each confession he places a kiss somewhere on Hinata’s face. “I waited for you, and I never stopped waiting.” Kiss. “I only ever wanted you, Hinata.” Kiss. “I thought you didn’t want me.” Kiss.

The last statement snaps Hinata out of it, he stares up at Kageyama. 

“How could I not want you, Kageyama?” he laughs. It’s barely a laugh, more a sigh.

He asks again. “Please stay, Hinata. Stay the night. And the next one after that”

Hinata doesn’t answer, but he kisses Kageyama. They make their way back to the room. Kageyama reminds himself to be gentle. Gentle with the man he loves, who loves him back.


End file.
